oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
