i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
