the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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