You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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