I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
