he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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