Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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