i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
