So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
