It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
