if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
