I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
