Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
