Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
