Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
