I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I could fuck to npr.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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