so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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