i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
