cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
