Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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