walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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