HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
