I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
