all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
