i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
