Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
