just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
