Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
