At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
