We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
