I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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