White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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