Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
