your room smells of hookers.
And success
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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