I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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