You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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