Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
