Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
