Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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