if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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