This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
