Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
