This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A+ Viking dick
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
