We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
