She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
should my penis look like a turkey
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
