you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
