and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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