Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
