Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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