Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
