I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
