hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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