My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
