your thong is hanging out like whoa
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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