You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
