I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Randomize
